ADHD is underdiagnosed in half the population, and roughly 75 million have autism globally. However, when a child has both, there can be additional challenges to face, and knowing how to parent a child with ADHD and autism is its own challenge.
In this article, we will cover tips to help you learn how to parent a child with ADHD and autism. To learn more, why not read our articles on Asperger vs autism, how to improve concentration, the importance of nutrition and brain development, and more.
Key Points About ADHD and Autism
Before we can consider how to parent a child with ADHD and autism, we need to understand what these two neurodivergences are. We will have a look at ADHD and autism in the sections below and outline some of the primary signs to look out for, which will determine how to parent and help these individuals in their day-to-day lives.
Signs of ADHD in Children
ADHD is complicated, and signs can manifest differently in different people. As with many disorders, including autism, women and girls are less likely to show many of the classic behaviours due to copying those around them. This means that ADHD is underdiagnosed in half the population.
Some common symptoms that you might see in someone with ADHD include the following:
- Acting without first thinking about it
- Appears to not listen when directly spoken to
- Consistently interrupting conversations
- Always feeling restless
- Forgets about daily activities
- Easily distracted by their surroundings and stimuli
- Frequently loses important things (e.g. phone, car keys, etc)
- Shorter attention span
Signs of Autism in Children
Autism is a disorder that can impact different people in vastly different ways. Many people with autism face challenges regarding non-verbal communication, repetitive behaviours, speech, social skills, and more. However, there is no one size fits all, and it is not a learning disability, and some individuals with autism can lead relatively normal lives, while others require additional support in aspects of their lives.
Signs of autism in children may include:
- Not reacting to their name
- Avoiding eye contact
- Not smiling when smiled at
- Becoming upset or angry when confronted with a sound, taste, or smell that they don’t like
- Repeating ‘stimming’ movements, such as flicking fingers, flapping hands, or rocking
- Not talking as much compared to other children
- Not being involved in as much pretend play
- Repeating phrases they hear
- Trouble understanding common social or societal rules
How to Parent a Child With ADHD and Autism
It’s crucial to remember that most children with ADHD and autism will spend most of their day masking at school in order to cope and ‘fit in’ with their peers. This means that as soon as they come home, they are stepping foot into their sanctuary, where they can finally be themselves. It might not happen immediately as they adjust, but supporting them is pivotal no matter what.
Helping With Home Environment
When your child comes home from school or somewhere else, you might notice that they become quieter. This is part of their self-regulating process to adjust to their new environment, and sometimes all you need to do as a parent is take a step back and see what your child needs, if anything.
Make sure that your home environment is one where your children can feel comfortable in expressing themselves and their emotions – including the negative ones. Teaching and showing them how to move through these emotions and self-regulate is crucial, and having the patience to not push them when asking for details about their day. With patience, you are likely to find that they will talk when they are ready.
Remember that you are a model for your children, and all children will repeat behaviours that they see. So, when you make mistakes, it’s important to own up to them and set the precedent.
Create Routines for School
Individuals with autism thrive on routines and predictability. This means that they have a hard time when plans or routines change, whether it’s at home or at school.
To soften the blow of the ever-changing scape of school, we encourage you to communicate with teachers and members of educational staff to see what can be done to help your child through their day. By doing this and coming up with tailored solutions that work for you, your child, and their school, you open your child up to a plethora of opportunities that might have otherwise seemed impossible without the support.
Helping With Executive Dysfunction
Executive dysfunction (ED) is a common issue in people with both ADHD and autism, and can lead to even the simplest tasks being impossible due to difficulties planning, organising, and setting goals. For someone with ED, a task as small as brushing teeth can be broken down into seven smaller steps – and this can be overwhelming.
As a parent of a child with ED, it’s crucial to recognise this and find alternative ways to help keep your child on track and build their self-esteem. Whether you introduce your child to organisers, planners, diaries, and so on, there are tools that can be used to help your child overcome these difficulties and build a sense of independence.
Help and Support Social Relationships
Many people with ADHD and/or autism (adults included) struggle with friendships. Navigating this area can feel like a minefield, from the struggles to read and understand non-verbal cues to picking up undertones and sarcasm on a day-to-day basis.
While it’s important to allow for freedom and build self-reliance in many ways, it’s also important to support your child where possible without overstepping their boundaries. It may be beneficial to support your child through practising social skills where necessary, or working on problems and solutions together to overcome these challenges.
In order for these conversations to happen, please remember that your child needs to see you as someone that they can turn to. This means that you need to have trust in one another, and you need to have the patience and willingness to understand
Tips for Behaviour Management in Children with ADHD and Autism
Managing behaviour and learning how to parent a child with ADHD and autism can be a challenge for everyone involved, and we understand that it can be incredibly frustrating at times. However, there are many tips from parents in the same situation that might be helpful
- The Traffic Light System – the traffic light system works for improving behaviour by rewarding good behaviour with rewards and privileges, while bad behaviours result in some of those privileges and benefits being taken from them. There is no punishment for the ‘red’ behaviours.
- Use Clear Communication – things like choice boards or communication cards can be excellent tools for children who struggle to communicate. Remember to speak appropriately by being straightforward but empathetic and always avoid ambiguity, as this will simply add more confusion and frustration to the situation.
- Remember the ACB Model – the antecedent, behaviour, and consequence (ABC) model helps to understand the triggers (A) behind challenging behaviours and how consequences can either positively or negatively reinforce the issue. Psychological strategies are very effective for those with ADHD and autism, and praising good behaviour while ignoring negative behaviours (if it’s safe to do so) can be an excellent method to employ.
- Our Environment Impacts Us All – environments impact us and our behaviours, whether we’re in a classroom or our bedroom. Modifying a child’s environment can help them have uniformity and consistency, which will help them cope better by alleviating anxiety and stress.
- Comorbidities Can Have a Huge Impact – a neurodivergent person is more likely to have other comorbidities, for example depression or anxiety, and these can play a key role in their behaviour. If there is something to suggest that your child has other comorbidities, it’s best to identify them so that you can learn how to manage them.
- Know Your Child’s Sensory Likes and Dislikes – people with autism frequently have strong likes and dislikes regarding textures, flavours, and more. So, learning what they like and dislike and building a sensory profile can help you manage behaviours by altering environments or food to be more suitable and less triggering or agitating.
Every child is unique, and what works for one might not work for another. So, please have patience as you figure out what works for you and your child, as there are no easy solutions when it comes to parenting – whether they are neurodivergent or not!
Final Thoughts
There are many successful people with ADHD and autism, so it’s important to remember that while there are challenges, your child can lead a normal life and thrive. Knowing how to parent a child with ADHD and autism can be difficult, but with the right tools and help, you will succeed.
To learn more, why not look at our success stories, as well as our assessments, programs and results? If you have any questions, or would simply like to speak with us here at the Brain Workshop, we would love to hear from you.
